just breathe

In my quest for inner Mommy peace, I have turned to yoga.

My first foray into the land of meaningful breathing came in college. My housemate and I contorted our bodies into downward facing dog and bridge pose as another one of our housemates watched and tried not to wet her pants. After I signed up for my first half marathon, I decided that I needed to cross train and started attending a weekly yoga class. It was a wonderful experience. I stretched, increased my flexibility, and attempted to find inner peace. I failed. I couldn't figure out the whole breathing thing. I couldn't breathe into my back as if it had gills. I couldn't "be in the breath". For as long as I can remember, I have always been one step ahead, never content with the here and now. Yoga is all about the existing within the moment, being aware of your breath. I couldn't seem to quiet my mind down long enough to even control my breathing, let alone allow it to control me.

After W was born, I dabbled in some video yoga; all the while ignoring the instructor's "inhale, exhale" exultation. During week 2 of potty training boot camp, I found myself online searching for a yoga studio. I needed to get out of my house for more then hour. I needed to be somewhere where I'm not a mommy; just a woman trying to be the best she can be with what she's been given. A quick Google search led to me to a local studio, about 40 minutes away. It wasn't until I found this studio that I realized how much I needed it. The classes are donation based which is helpful for my wallet and they have evening classes. I can help Seth with dinner and then head out the door while trying to calm my crying son who's not used to Mommy going somewhere without him.

I've been taking the gentle yoga class which is an hour and a half of stretching, listening to my body, and letting go. During the last class, as a thunderstorm raged outside, I found the peace I had been looking for. I finally figured out how to breathe and it really is as cool as everyone says it is.