burnt like toast

I've been quiet.

I've probably written about 20 posts in my head, while running, while in the shower, or picking up my kids from school. Somehow, by the end of the day, when I finally have time to think - I'm exhausted.

Running has been exhausting.

Over the last few weeks, the only thing getting me out of the bed at 5 a.m. to run has been my running partner.

I'm burnt like those little crumbs that collect in the bottom of the toaster.

I'm 4 days away from my 4th marathon in less then a year and my 9th marathon overall.  

I don't feel as prepared as I normally do. My 19 miler, which was supposed to be 20, was hard. It was long and I felt every step during the last few miles. It left me feeling worried and concerned that this upcoming race is not going to go well.

This race is a loop race and my introverted self is worried about running with the same strangers over and over and over again. Faced with new situations, I tend to come across as stuck up when I'm really just a nervous wreck. Add to the mix, staying with my children the night before in a hotel room where historically NO ONE sleeps well. Oh and did I mention that my youngest son has a cold? Boogers. Sneezing. Crying at night because he can't breathe through his noise and suck on his beloved binky at the same time. All of this is a recipe for disaster.

But you know what? I refuse to accept this reality.

I'm in denial people! AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

So what if I'm going to drag my family to West Virginia to run a marathon and then turn around and come right home?

So what if I feel like I'm coming down with this cold that is currently plaguing my son?

So what if I have to smile and chat with people I don't know while trying to make it through mile after mile of the same terrain?

Whatever.

It's going to be great because I've decided that that's the way its going to be. Take that universe!