50k training: losing and moving

I've written and rewritten this post a dozen times. The last three weeks have been... challenging.

The day my husband left to go visit his parents, his mother had a debilitating seizure that signaled the beginning of the end. A week later, she died.

That night I ran 6 miles. Because that's what a runner does when she's hurting - she runs. 

My mother-in-law was not a runner. In fact, I'm pretty sure she thought I was completely, totally, and utterly insane but she never said a word. She would anxiously wait for me to come home from a late night run at the beach - I could visibly see her relax when I walked into the house - but she would never tell me not to go. She never gave an opinion unless it was asked for. She made my favorite foods when we came to visit and could whip up mittens for a winter run in a heartbeat. 

She loved me.

She accepted me, 100%, for who I am. She allowed me to have my bratty, immature moments and still loved me. She saw me lose my patience with her son and still loved me. We laughed over the cuteness and silliness of my kids and cried in each other's arms when our visits were over. 

I've been grieving and mourning for her, for our relationship, for months now, since they discovered the brain tumors that eventually claimed her life. Deep down, I'm half convinced I signed up for the 50k to have something to focus on. A goal to work towards to help me ignore, forget, and deny the reality of losing someone I love.   

I'm not sure how non-runners cope with life. If I couldn't run, I'm not sure what I would do. The treadmill sitting in my basement has been a lifeline during these last few weeks. Late night runs after the kids were in bed. Mid-morning runs after the kids were at school. Even with the funeral chaos and aftermath, I was still able to get in all my miles.

She would have been upset if she thought I was missing miles because of her. So I won't. I will keep running even though I am tired; I will keep running towards the finish line of that 50k - because I know when I do, she will relax and give me that warm smile I so desperately miss. 

Week 9

6, 4, 4, trails, 16

50k training: weeks 4 & 5

It's hard to believe that I'm only 5 weeks into this new adventure.

Week 4 was tough. On Friday, I ran the trail by my house twice and oh boy was it hard. My legs were dead going into Saturday's 16 miler. The first few miles went something like this : "this sucks", "why am I doing this?", "a 50k? really Lauren?", "I'm never going to finish this freaking race", "This is never going to happen".

The thing is, I had these SAME exact thoughts the first time I trained for a half and then again a year later when I trained for my first full marathon. The SAME doubts, fears, and worries. Every time I did a long run, I would count the amount of miles left to reach the race distance and I would totally panic.

So I went into week 5 feeling pretty defeated. On Tuesday, I shut my alarm off and went back to sleep. Of course, I now have a treadmill in my basement so after I dropped people off at school and put people down for naps, I put on Fuller House and cried and laughed through 6 miles.

My knee has been barking a little lately so I skipped trails on Friday and has a MUCH better run on Saturday. Getting up at 3:50 a.m. to run 18 miles sucks any way you look at it but I got it done and didn't feel like garbage afterwards.

My husband left today to visit his parents, so this week will be a "Let's Celebrate the Treadmill" week. All I'm going to say is thank goodness for Netflix.

Week 6

4, 4, 4, trails, 20

previous post: Product Review: Flip Belt

Product Review: Flip Belt

 I didn't know I needed this until I got one. 

photo courtesy of Flip Belt 

Say hello to your new best friend: the Flip Belt.

Seriously, if you run with stuff, you need this belt.

It holds giant smart phones, keys, money - anything you might need to take with you while on a run.

And in comes in so many colors! So many pretty colors. 

So, not only is it pretty but it's practical. 

Per their website: 

How is FlipBelt Different?

WEAR IT HOW YOU WANT IT.

You can turn it so that the pockets are facing outwards for easy access or turn it inwards to safeguard your items. There’s no right or wrong way to wear a FlipBelt (well, we wouldn’t recommend it for headgear), so you can customize it to your liking.

IT WON'T BUDGE.

Many of our customers have agreed with us when we say that the FlipBelt stays where you want it. That’s important when you’re moving fast. So go ahead—do some jumping jacks. Climb a mountain. Bike down a mountain trail. Your stuff will stay put no matter what you’re doing with a FlipBelt.

BE LIGHT ON YOUR FEET.

Other belts and pouches have their own heft. Some people complain that armbands, which are fairly heavy, makes activities a little bit lopsided. The FlipBelt, made of micro-poly and lycra, is a featherweight in comparison.

STRETCH IT TO FIT.

The material used for our belt is super stretchy, so you can comfortably fit a gigantic iPhone 6+ inside, along with all your other necessities!

All of it is true. every. single. word.

I have used it twice so far and am quite satisfied with this nifty little thing. The first time I used it, I had to adjust it a few times to find a comfortable spot but once I did - it was golden. Being able to run with my phone, something I never do, made me feel safer while running on a somewhat secluded trail. Being able to carry money with me to make a pit stop at the supermarket while out on a run was great. I love knowing that my car key was safe and sound and not at the mercy of a flimsy pocket.  

It's not just for running. It would be perfect for the gym or for running errands. 

It really is kind of perfect.

So, what are you waiting for? Go get one! 

You won't regret it.

previous post: 50k training: weeks 2 & 3