I signed up for an ultramarathon.

Yesterday, I paid money to run in the woods for hours on a Saturday morning in June.

I signed up for a 50k.

31 miles.

Training starts tomorrow. LOL.

This whole thing is a bit surreal. This is not my first attempt at an ultra distance. I got into about 3 weeks of training in 2013 before I was sidelined with bursitis and then the news of baby #3.

A part of me is afraid that I'm jinxed. That something will happen and I won't get to the starting line. As I was brainstorming my training plan, I started to get overwhelmed. I took a deep breath and made myself a promise: I will take this 1 run at a time, 1 day at a time. I will only worry about the run I need to complete that day. Obsessing and worrying about monster miles in future will only cause me grief.

I'm going to be honest here: I am venturing into unknown territory. I'm going to be running A LOT. I'm not sure how my body or mind is going to handle this new challenge. I am hoping to post weekly about my training but I'm not making any promises. I'm probably going to be really tired. like all the time.

This week's mileage is pretty low key and a good entry into the training plan I've MacGyvered for myself. One of my biggest challenges is that I'm a domestic engineering goddess of 3 kids. I can either run early, run late, or drag a double stroller along. Generally, I will be running 5 days a week; T/Th/Sat will be early morning runs. Wednesdays with be stroller runs as I'm only willing to sacrifice morning toddler naps once a week. I'm not a masochist. Fridays will be afternoon trail runs. There will also be mommy naps. and coffee drinks. and a lot of running related laundry.

I'm nervous. and excited. and scared. and curious. and happy. and so many other feelings. This is going to be epic.

Week 1
6, 4, 4, Trails (distance varies), 10

previous post: a hard decision that wasn't really hard 

It doesn't escape me that my previous post was all about how tired I was and how I needed a break and now I'm going to run a 50k. Pretty much the definition of irony huh?

a hard decision that wasn't really hard

I've decided to not run the marathon this weekend.

and I am completely, totally, and utterly ok with it.

Really, I am.

Even before I found out my poor running partner and fellow road tripper had bronchitis, I was dreading the whole thing. 

The 7.5 hr car trip.

Running another 26.2 miles after months and months of training and racing. 

I could drag my husband and children to Mississippi, 4 days after traveling 13 hours and attempt to sleep in a hotel room with said children but I'm not insane. or cruel.

I want to sleep in on Saturday, run a reasonable, enjoyable amount of miles, and then spend the day with my family.

This is the first time I have ever felt this way about a race. I've been anxious and nervous but never this apathetic. 

That was sign #1 that I should probably throw in the towel and call it a day. 

Sign #2 was my feeling of contentment at the thought of not running the marathon.

Sign #3 was my wonky, achy knee and tight calves.

I'm proud of myself for recognizing the signs and making the right decision. Runners, particularly long distance runners, refuse to give up. We grit our teeth, put our heads down, and power through. But not this runner, not this time. 

Besides, I need time to rest up for the 50k that I'm crazily thinking about signing up for.

previous post: Product Review: Garmin Vivofit 2

Product Review: Garmin Vivofit 2

So Jawbone and I have a little bit of bad blood.

I'm on my 4th tracker. I'm such a sucker. I call customer service all indignant and ready to make a scene and then the phone call ends with me agreeing to give them another try. It's embarrassing.

You can read about our history here and here.

Currently, I have the MOVE. I love the little clip action. It's discreet, easy to use, and in the beginning worked perfectly fine. It uses a watch battery which is easy to replace and lasts a reasonably decent amount of time. Well, it says its supposed to last a reasonable amount of time but it lies. Then about 4 weeks ago, the device itself, stopped showing me data. It is supposed to tell time, my steps etc... now it shares NOTHING. It still connects to my phone but now I need to manually put it in sleep mode, which is just aggravating.

bad blood.

I was in the car with my Mom, driving to get some curtains, when she told me she bought some activity thingamajigger. Um. ok. Which one? She had no idea but told me to check QVC on my phone because it was the deal of the day. Turns out it was the Garmin Vivofit 2. They were selling it at a great price, with a bunch of extra bands and she kindly offered to get me one.

picture courtesy of Garmin.com

I have this crippling inability to let go of things. It's not a hoarder situation, I just hate giving up on something. I really, really, really like Jawbone's app. It's so pretty and easy to use. It gives me all the information I need and nothing that I don't. Garmin's app is like Jawbone's uptight, older, over achieving brother. It's dark, and filled with graphs, and tables. It's boring. Efficient but boring. It's the opposite of fun. I wish there was an option for a sparkly, unicorn, glitter Garmin app because I would totally go for that one.

The Vivofit itself is a neat little device. Comfortable to wear and not too difficult to get on with one hand. It gives me all the information I need and even beeps at me when I'm being lazy. Because I am an uber weirdo, I am NOT using it as my running watch because I can't convince myself that my activity tracker can also function as my running watch even though I have no valid reason to back that up. So I'm still wearing a separate watch and carrying my handy dandy little Vivofit (it pops out of the bracelet and easily fits in those tiny little pockets they put in running clothes that I can't find any other use for) in my pocket. 

I tweeted Garmin that they should hire someone to make their app more pretty and then I was horrified when they responded. They asked me to make a formal appeal to their design team and all I'm thinking is how am I going to explain to a bunch of serious athletes that they should make their app as if UniKitty from the LEGO movie was in charge? Not sure how well that would go over.

this is me.

this is the Garmin design team when I tell them their app makes me sad

 
*photos of  happy & angry UniKitty courtesy of Lego

previous post: Year in Review: 2015

Year in Review: 2015

I'm a little late with this year in review post.

Sorry. I've been busy running, sleeping, eating, and practicing some basic laziness.

Here's the lowdown: 2015 was pretty awesome.

found on theberry.com

1,321.58 miles.

(my most in one year ever).

A year of 100+ mile months.

4 marathons.

(my most in one year ever).

Entry into the 50 States Marathon Club.

Epic.

found on skinnypinkninja.wordpress.com

It was also the year of my first DNS, It took me a good week or two to get over that one. My Mom had to send me a present.

While it was an awesome year, it was also a hard year. Running kept me sane. It gave me an outlet for a whole slew of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.

There were days I didn't want to run but I did anyway. There were days when I wanted to run but couldn't. Not every run went well but every chance I had to get out and log some miles was perfect.

I haven't firmed up my running plans for 2016 yet. There's not much I can do to improve upon the beauty of 2015 but I am sure going to try :)

Have a happy, safe, and wonderful NEW YEAR!

how to run 20 miles while on vacation: city edition

Did you know that running a marathon in January means you have to train through the Christmas holidays?

Did you know that training for a marathon during the holidays leads to limited opportunities for the long runs that one needs in order to get ready for a marathon? 

I should have known. I think I was in denial.

For two Saturdays, I missed my long runs and spent the rest of the week trying to cobble miles together in parking lots, town circles, and neighborhoods while still spending as much time as I could with the people I love.

Eventually though, I had to do something about the 20 miler that was following me around from state to state. 

It's not easy to find somewhere to run 20 miles. Especially when you're not in your usual, familiar running environment. 

I kept pushing it back, hoping that inspiration would strike while I was home in Staten Island, and a 20 mile route would miraculously present itself, like in a dream or a vision. 

It didn't happen. 

I got desperate and posted a whiny status on Facebook, hoping one of the crazy running people I know would be like "I have a route! I'll join you!" 

Nope.

Then it hit me. Inspiration.

I could run to the ferry from my Grandma's house (I estimated it would be about 5 miles), take the ferry to Manhattan, and run along the waterfront on the West Side. I thought this was a brilliant idea. I have always wanted to run that particular route, having walked a large portion of it with my Mom during our city jaunts. 

I had to make a series of promises to my husband, including running with my phone, texts at various points, and using the Road ID app so he could keep tabs on me.  

Nothing could damper my enthusiasm. He could have asked me to hire 2 giant thugs to follow me, secret service style, and I would have agreed.  

I was very excited.

it was very foggy

Even the heavy fog that made every street look like a creepy scene from a horror movie didn't bother me. I bounded my way down to the ferry and took my 5.5 mile smelly body right onto that boat and tried to stand as far away from the other passengers as I could. 

As soon as the boat docked, I was off and running towards Battery Park where I took a very rare selfie of myself. 

 

The miles positively flew by. I was looking around at buildings, people watching, making sure I knew where I was and how to get home. It was lovely.

The Intrepid. It is very big.

At about 12 miles, I turned around and headed back to the ferry terminal. At 34th street, I jumped onto The High Line and ran its length - which was FABULOUS, The High Line is simply one of my most favorite places on Earth and it was a wonderful experience to run it, in the rain at Christmas time. 

I made it back to the ferry, stopped at Starbucks (which I paid for using my Starbucks app - greatest thing ever), and called my husband to come pick me up.

It was one of the best running days I have ever had. 20 mile training run DONE. 

I hate downward facing dog

I hate, loathe, detest (basically any word you can think of that denotes total and utter disgust) the yoga position of downward facing dog.

You see, I have one hand. My forearms are the same length but my right arm stops at my wrist. I don't have a right hand, a palm, or fingers. Basically, it is just bone.

I grew up doing everything everyone else did. I can tie my shoes, do my hair - the list goes on and on. Sure, I could never climb that rope in gym class but really who wants to do that anyway? 

When I started practicing yoga. I never considered that some positions would be difficult. I just started doing it. I use a block for some positions, to give myself more balance and to take some pressure off my right arm but you can't use a block in downward facing dog. 

Hence, the hate.

It's not comfortable. Relying on my upper body, ultimately, my arms and hands, to bear the weight of this body is hard.

A yoga mat only provides so much cushion. Trying to find the sweet spot, where my arm can dig into the mat and not kill me, can be hit or miss. I'm also incredibly stubborn and will stay in that freaking position until the cows come home just to prove that I can do it. I want people to think that I am a cool, capable yogi.  

And because I am concentrating so hard on not giving up - I usually stop breathing. Which if you know anything about yoga is ridiculous because yoga is ALL about breathing.

It becomes a battle of will. Will I give up? Will I wiggle and wiggle until I find that spot where I can hang out until the next movement? Will I breathe? Will I take that time to breathe and be proud of myself for always trying and trying even when it is hard?

Life, recently, has felt like one very long moment in downward facing dog. Uncomfortable, stressful, and raw. I feel vulnerable. I care too much about what other people think. I often forget to breathe.

This past week, I was in downward facing dog and having the usual fight with myself about how much I hate this position and this is so ridiculous and why do I continue to do this to myself and something made me stop. BREATHE LAUREN. Just breathe. And as I took each breath, thinking about only that breath - in, out, in, out - it got easier. Not less uncomfortable - just easier to bear.

So, as the holiday season rolls in, and things get complicated with traveling to 3 different states in 4 weeks with 3 kids, and negotiating expectations and celebrations - I am going to carry that mantra with me. BREATHE LAUREN. Just breathe.          

Book Review: The Gap of Time

I'm terrible at book reviews. Particularly, when it comes to books that I didn't enjoy. A book is a result of someone's hard work. Long hours spent writing and editing. Deleting and starting all over again. Who am I then to read it and say "um. yea. not so much"?

I just finished Jeanette Winterson's The Gap of Time and I am under whelmed. 

On paper, this book seems awesome. It is a retelling of Shakespeare's The Winter Tale, where jealously, paranoia, and heartbreak abound. Pretty much like every Shakespeare play in existence. The thing with Shakespeare, though, is that language and phrasing take so much brain power to compute that it almost hides the absolute insanity of the characters. It somehow becomes less crazy when there are thee's and thou's involved. 

However, when you retell it in modern language the craziness is VERY evident. There is no flowery language to hide behind. The intensity of the characters and their emotions are front and center.  

I find as I get older (and this makes me cringe because I'm only 34) that I'm becoming more and more intolerant of violence, excessive profanity, and the general abuse individuals inflict upon each other. Reading serves as an escape and the mere act of it has a profound effect upon me. If a book is emotionally draining, I feel that. It stays with me and it's hard for me to shake it off. I recently remarked to a friend that I feel as if I'm out of emotional credit. I only have so much to give, worry, and agonize over - I can't spare anymore for the characters in books that I'm struggling to get through. 

I know that this is unfair. And by no means am I advocating that every book be filled with unicorns and glitter. I have a feeling that this is just a phase I am going through because, ultimately, books have the power to stretch you, change how you view things, and teach you something about yourself and the world around you and I need that. We all do.     

Despite my ridiculous hyper-emotional state, this is a very well written book. Winterson gives Shakespeare's characters new breath and seamlessly integrates them into the modern world. Her retelling is engaging and thoughtful. I may not have enjoyed it, but I can see how it might appeal to others. 

disclaimer: while I received this book for free through the Blogging For Books program, all opinions and views expressed are my own.

previous post: maybe that's why I keep doing it